2008 Max MLB Awards

maxtrophy.jpgWe really weren't going to give our own MLB awards this year. That type of thing seems so overdone. But when Evan Longoria was handed the A.L. Rookie of the Year award, we felt like we had no choice but to right the wrongs going on in the baseball world. Come on, people. Did none of you voters see Ian Kennedy's performance this season? How he didn't walk away with the hardware is beyond us.

With that expert analysis out of the way, we proudly present to you our Moderately Prestigious 2008 MLB Awards:

 

Groundhog Day Award
New York Mets' September

Teammate of the Year
Because the last thing we want is the YES web guy calling to tell us we over-stepped our boundaries and that we may have messed up a potential free agent signing for the Yankees, we will not offer the name of the winner here. What we can tell you, however, is that his name rhymes with Nanny Lamirez. You do the math.

Tag Team of the Year
That same Nanny Lamirez guy from above and Shawn Chacon. If only they had Bobby "The Brain" Heenan as their manager, we wouldn't be so critical of them beating up elderly front-office personnel.

The Babe Ruth Fitness Award (also known as the "Have A Salad" or the "Lay Off The Roast Beef")
Miguel Cabrera, Detroit Tigers

The Just Give Him A Managerial Job And Shut Him Up Already Award
Gary Carter

The Just Take Away His Managerial Job And Shut Him Up Already Award
Ozzie Guillen

Model Citizen of the Year
Jose Guillen, Kansas City Royals
Just go away already, Jose. Kansas City is lucky they have anybody show up for the games at all. And then you go and verbally berate them. Not cool.

The What Ever Happened To Names Like Roy White Award
Micah Kilakila Ka'aihue, Kansas City Royals

CTRL+Z Award
Los Angeles Dodgers
Overheard in the LA front offices: "Hey, is there anyway we can undo that Andruw Jones signing?"

The Did We Really Make That Trade Award
Victor Zambrano for Scott Kazmir
Ok, we know that trade didn't happen this season. But we think it was so bad that it should win the award every year. Or at least until the Mets win another World Series.

The You Must Be This Tall To Ride This Ride Award
Dustin Pedroia

Hey, Weren't We Supposed To Be Good?
Seattle Mariners

NOW That's What I Call Yankees: Offseason Edition

Prediction: By the time the first pitch crosses the plate in the 2009 baseball season the Yankees' roster will have gone through more changes than Joan Rivers' face.

It's a bold prediction, we know, but many are anticipating a severe metamorphosis for New York following the disappointing 2008 campaign. In the meantime, the anxiety of guessing who's on their way out (we'll miss the 'stache), who's going to get one last chance (step it up, Robbie), what new faces we'll see (can I get you a soda, CC?) and overall how things will have evolved when the new Yankee Stadium opens its doors are all questions as that will have a definitive answer on Opening Day. 

To help encompass some of the scenarios revolving around the Yankees, we decided to make the soundtrack, NOW That's What I Call Yankees: Offseason Edition. Below is an eclectic collection of songs from various artists that span different eras which can help us break down some mysteries and issues Yankees fans will encounter leading up to the first game of the season on April 6th.
 
Album: The Best of Player
PlayerThis one goes out to Chien-Ming Wang and Jorge Posada, who were sidelined with injuries for the bulk of last season. 

Fellas, we know you're listening, and we just want you to come back healthy. That's all we ask. Whatever you need, we'll give you. (Well, actually, we can only offer loud cheers and chants when you step onto the field.) You want a different song to represent your return? Not an issue. Just let us know and consider it done.
 
Pearl Jam, Rearview Mirror 
Album: Vs.
Pearl JamHindsight is always 20/20, and it's crystal clear the Yankees lacked pitching last season (perhaps they should have pulled the trigger on the Johan Santana deal). The Steinbrenners and Brian Cashman saw it and have been vocal about who they want to bring to New York to help improve the situation. 

Acquiring established veterans and grooming the gifted youngsters already on the roster has, so far, anyway, seemed to be a top priority. In focusing on the home-grown stars, we think it's safe to say the Bombers' future's so bright we have to wear shades.

The Doors, People Are Strange
Album: Strange Days
The DoorsPeople have certainly become strange when it comes Yankees news this offseason. Some "insiders" pretend to know the top-secret info and then go share it on their blogs without verifying sources. Even worse are the dummies who call into New York radio talk shows claiming to have the inside scoop. We actually heard somebody call WFAN's Steve Somers last night saying that he heard from a guy who heard from a "source" that the Yanks were shopping Joba to the Mets for Carlos Beltran. Even if the Bombers got both Beltrans, that trade would be a joke. Heck, even the normally-disillusioned Somers knew that was dumb. 

However, ending the lunacy is easily avoidable. The remedy is to watch Mike Francesa on YES, or catch his clips on YESNetwork.com. In terms of sports-news, the guy's more connected than Tony Soprano.

Green Day, Coming Clean 
Album: Dookie
Green DayThe Yankees have come clean involving missteps of the recent past, and they're not looking back in anger. 

Acquiring Nick Swisher was questionable to some, but after it was confirmed that CC Sabathia was offered enough money for him to substitute dollar bills for toilet paper, and knowing that offers for pitchers A.J. Burnett and Derek Lowe are pending, it seems as though pitching will be a key component to a successful 2009 season.
 
The Offspring, The Kids Aren't Alright
Album: Americana
The OffspringWith concern for Phil Hughes' development, Joba Chamberlain's role and Brett Gardner's production at the plate, there's plenty of questions about the "kids" on the team. (Can you actually refer to someone with a hefty six-figure salary as a kid?) Their early production will determine if the Yankees' brass will be walking on sunshine, or if they'll find their continued faith in youngsters is simply a hard habit to break.
 
Double You, Please Don't Go
Album: Studio Live
Double YouUnlike the former vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin, we Yankees fans like the Moose, and following a 20-win season, many of those fans hope Mike Mussina's ride in the concrete jungle hasn't stopped just yet.

Old or young, Mussina's performance last season and his presence on the mound cannot be denied. If he's into it, one more season in the mix wouldn't be a bad thing.

Andy Pettitte, we know you're probably feeling left out right now, but don't. We'd write our own song for you, but nothing rhymes with Pettitte.

Continue reading 'NOW That's What I Call Yankees: Offseason Edition'...

Holyfield wants to fight... again

Evander Holyfield has announced he wants another shot at becoming the undisputed champion. No, seriously, he does.

"My goal is to be undisputed champion, not just to win one title," Holyfield said at a news conference Tuesday.

We're not clairvoyant over here at The Max, but we do know that Holyfield should step back into the ring the same way Michael Jordan should come out of retirement for the trillionth time. But Holyfield is going to do what he wants, so if the 46-year-old former champ really wants to prove he's still got what it takes, here's the best, safest option for him:

Cozy up in front of the TV, get his old Sega Genesis out of the attic, blow the dust off of it, and play Evander Holyfield's "Real Deal" Boxing, which is also known as the worst video game on planet Earth. If he can't play as himself, Holyfield should use the Game Genie to get to the final round, where he'd play against himself, and then throw the fight.This way he can see himself hold up his title belt one last time and he won't get pummeled like Apollo Creed at the beginning of Rocky IV. (Watch Apollo get smashed up by Ivan Drago to really slow, cheesy music.)

evander.jpgEmail us: themax_blog@ymail.com

SEC: Cuban involved with insider trading

NEW YORK -- Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban was involved with insider trading back in June 2004, the U.S. Security and Exchange Commission (SEC) announced Monday. The news about Cuban, known for his passion and inability to keep his enormous yap shut, wasn't a shock to many people. But there was one Mavericks fan living in New York who was very vocal about the outspoken owner.

"So you're telling me he can trade away shares of his garbage stocks, but he can't trade away the dead weight giving the Mavs a 3-7 record?" asked Al Harrington of Dix Hills, N.Y. "Well, now it's official. As of right this second, I'm officially a fan of the New York Knicks."

What Harrington failed to realize was the frustrations and despair that comes along with rooting for the Knicks. After he watches his first game as a fan of New York basketball, we will follow up to see if he has decided to retract that statement.

As for Cuban, he could not be reached for comment about Harrison's defection to the Knicks. Sources say that Cuban was busy in a closed-door meeting involving some bad stocks that are slated to tank later in the week.


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McNabb: Who knew?

dmac.jpgPhiladelphia Eagles fans have reason to be concerned this morning. After Sunday's 13-13 tie against the listless Cincinnati Bengals, Donovan McNabb told reporters that he didn't even know ties were an option in the NFL (full story). With that startling revelation, we decided to educate the veteran quarterback on a few other football rules that he may not be aware of:

  • Extra points, which occur after scoring a touchdown, count for one (1) point.
  • 6+1=7, also known as a touchdown plus extra point.
  • When it's 1st and 10, your team needs 10 yards for a first down (new set of downs).
  • The team with the most points at the end of the game is declared the winner.
  • The Super Bowl is the championship game. Its intensity can cause a quarterback to choke under pressure... oh wait, he already knows that.

Attention everyone: Andy Murray has left reality

We're not sure what tennis star Andy Murray is doing in this picture, but we've put together two ideas:

  1. Eating an invisible apple (which looks like a Granny Smith brand).

  2. Trying to woo a potential love interest by showing how well he kisses air.


andy.jpgEmail: themax_blog@ymail.com

2008 Out-Kicked His Coverage Championship

Face it, you get a little heated ever time you see a below-average-looking athlete walking around with a supermodel on his arm. It's ok, we do too. But don't get mad at the athlete just because he "out-kicked his coverage." The truth is you should be congratulating him for taking advantage of his status. And that's exactly what we will be doing here, as we look to crown the first-ever Out-Kicked His Coverage Champion.

Everyday, we'll pit two athletes up against each other, and you'll have the opportunity to vote on which man you think has taken advantage of his celebrity status the most. To clarify, you're not voting for the most attractive woman. You're choosing the guy who would not be with that girl if he wasn't an athlete. So for example, Tom Brady really shouldn't make it out of the first round because he's a damn good looking guy (that's right, we said it), and could probably date anybody he wants. Tim Hasselbeck, on the other hand, well, he'd probably be dating the likes of Roseanne Barr if it wasn't for his NFL status.

Editor's note: Due to the controversy surrounding this competition at SI.com's Hot Clicks, The Max has suspended the producer of this post for 15 games. Being the fan-friendly blog that we are, we will also put Marko Jaric into the competition, replacing 31 seed Mike Modano (let's face it, he could probably score Willa Ford without his skating prowess).

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Continue reading '2008 Out-Kicked His Coverage Championship'...

Don't look now, but there's a giant man behind us

For years, people categorized Enzo Calzaghe's supposed visions of a giant man as early signs of Alzheimer's. But this photo finally grants credence to the claims of the father of boxing great Joe Calzaghe.

An image that would make Mr. Miyagi proud

You're probably looking at this picture thinking the same thing we were: Cool! It's the final scene in 1984's smash-hit movie, The Karate Kid! 

karatekid.jpgTo see just how close Ireland's Liam Miller (aka Liam-son) and Brazil's Silva Gilberto (left) were to creating a flawless rendition of the classic battle between Daniel LaRusso and Cobra Kai's Johnny Lawrence, watch the video we've posted below.

Warning: Watching Daniel "The Karate Kid" LaRusso in action may cause you to leap out of your seat, perform martial arts moves on an invisible opponent and generally disrupt other people who are pretending to be busy near your workspace.


 


Email us: themax_blog@ymail.com

Surfing the Web

It's Friday, and you know what that means - stop being so productive at work and surf the web. Here are some links that might help you get started:

The Hockey Hall of Fame ceremony was held at, none other than, Steve's place. (The Onion)

Gilbert Arenas believes in change. Don't believe him? Shake his hand. (Intentional Foul)

The TV Sports Theme Song Quiz will have you scratching your head. (Mental Floss)

The Blazers Dancers have gotten new outfits. Truth is that we really don't care. But the fact that they are new means that it's news and gives us the opportunity to link to some beautiful babies, as Vince Vaughn would say in Swingers. (Blaze of Love)

NBA jerseys: There's been some bad ones over the past 10 years. (Bad Jerseys)

YouTube Video of the Day
Ok, so it's really from ESPN. But we can't give up our awesome branding of "YouTube Video of the Day," especially since its been in existence since, like, October. Thanks to the YES web guy for sending us this link.

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